Submission 1: Formal Letter
Subject: Self-introduction
Prof Brad,
I am writing this introductory letter to allow you to get to know me better. Having graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in mechatronics, I enrolled in mechanical engineering in Singapore Institute of Technology, but not before completing national service. I decided to further my studies in this field because of a passion that sparked as early as i could remember. I used to accompany my father as he worked on his motorcycle, and had always wondered "Why is this the way it is?" or "How and why does this work?". He brought me along to work when he used be a technician so that i could explore, explaining things as i fed my curiosity. Growing up i understood that learning never ends, and i find myself constantly curious and trying to improve my knowledge and skills. Thus i figured that at this point in my life, i would continue to pursue my passion for engineering.
I understand that the field of engineering requires individuals who are able to express themselves clearly. Unfortunately I have difficulty expressing my ideas verbally, especially when there is pressure from others and then the panic starts to set in. My experience in the workplace and in the army has helped my public speaking anxiety immensely, however i am working on it and still have much to improve.
My main goal for this module is to be better at speaking publicly. Having looked through the module schedule and activities, i have to try my best to be more proactive, so that i can improve myself with the help of this module, instructor and peers. Another goal for this module is to try to absorb and understand as much as i can, as i feel that the key aspects are going to be very beneficial not just in the next two years of study, but in life as well.
Best regards,
Mohamed Mikaiel
Prof Brad,
I am writing this introductory letter to allow you to get to know me better. Having graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in mechatronics, I enrolled in mechanical engineering in Singapore Institute of Technology, but not before completing national service. I decided to further my studies in this field because of a passion that sparked as early as i could remember. I used to accompany my father as he worked on his motorcycle, and had always wondered "Why is this the way it is?" or "How and why does this work?". He brought me along to work when he used be a technician so that i could explore, explaining things as i fed my curiosity. Growing up i understood that learning never ends, and i find myself constantly curious and trying to improve my knowledge and skills. Thus i figured that at this point in my life, i would continue to pursue my passion for engineering.
I understand that the field of engineering requires individuals who are able to express themselves clearly. Unfortunately I have difficulty expressing my ideas verbally, especially when there is pressure from others and then the panic starts to set in. My experience in the workplace and in the army has helped my public speaking anxiety immensely, however i am working on it and still have much to improve.
My main goal for this module is to be better at speaking publicly. Having looked through the module schedule and activities, i have to try my best to be more proactive, so that i can improve myself with the help of this module, instructor and peers. Another goal for this module is to try to absorb and understand as much as i can, as i feel that the key aspects are going to be very beneficial not just in the next two years of study, but in life as well.
Best regards,
Mohamed Mikaiel
Dear Mikaiel,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and well-focused letter. You address all the touchpoints of the assignment and you provide good detail. I really appreciate learning about how your interest developed from early experiences with your father and his motorcycle. You connect that reflection with your dad being a technician and then further make the case that this contributed to your evolving curiosity.
You also do a fine job of tying the professional requirements for an engineer in terms of communication to your own comm skills. In line with that and your goal to develop improved skills and to be proactive, please take note of these points:
1. verbs
-- I decided to further my studies in this field because of a passion that sparked as early as i could remember. > (verb tense)
I decided to further my studies in this field because of a passion that sparked as early as I can remember.
-- when he used be > ?
2. capitalization/punctuation
-- This is a formal writing assignment. Please capitalize "I".
-- Thus i figured > ?
-- Unfortunately I have > ?
-- speaking anxiety immensely, however i am > ?
I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for your feedback. I will take note of my mistakes and bad writing habits going forward.
Regards,
Mikaiel
You're welcome, Mikaiel. I don't think the habits are so 'bad.' Everyone can polish their first draft of a written document.
DeleteDear Mikaiel,
ReplyDeleteHi man this is JD and after reading your introduction here's some things that I noticed:
1) the letter "I" has been inconsistently capped for your summary. I'm guessing that is because of the typing on the laptop but quick reminder that when addressing yourself "I" is always in caps.
2) when your father brought you along to his work what exactly did you helped him out there which fed your curiosity?
3) unfortunately I am unable to spot your strength are. could you please enlighten me on that?
I hope to look forward to reading your writings as well as work with your during this course time.
Best regards,
JD
Dear JD,
DeleteThank you for your response. Yes, unfortunately it slipped my mind to check for capitalization of the letter 'I'. I shall be more mindful in my future assignments.
When I tagged along, my father let me roam around the general vicinity. I was not helping him at all, just observing him and other people go about their day. An example would be that he was working on some pipes, and a water pressure gauge caught my eye. As a 6 year old, I had never seen such a device. My father would go on to explain what water pressure was and why it was important in plumbing systems.
It was my intention to portray my constant curiosity and ever-growing need to learn and acquire knowledge as a strength. I suppose it could have been better linked to communication and this course.
Once again I appreciate your feedback on points that I can improve on.
Regards,
Mikaiel
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Mikaiel,,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, thank you for sharing and introducing yourself to me.
1) Why kind of knowledge would u aspect after a degree ?
2) Why do u mean by absorb and understand as much as you can ? It could be better if you could elaborate more.
Thank you and looking forward to work with you.
Regards,
Fadzly